Shadow world
I have heard that the closest thing to you is your shadow. But have you ever wondered what happens to your shadow when the moon comes out? Where does it go? Does it hide away, biding it's time till it thinks you need it - when a light's nearby? Or does it heave a sigh of relief at the much needed break and escape to fantasy land where it gets to lead it's own life, so to speak. i think that's a journey for another day. For now, let me tell you about the time my shadow changed shapes and began to resemble, not me, but somebody I wanted to trade places with.
From what I have heard and what I remember, my grandfather was a very loving human being. I have always wondered what his life must've been like when he was a movie star. Yes, he was a movie star years and years back. A tamil comedian even - and a good one at that. But growing up, I never had the chance to see the glamorous life he had once led (or so I hope). I grew up listening to stories of the good old days and how I wished I had been alive then. I guess this deep seeded desire filtered into every pore of my being and by extension into the grey scales of my shadow.
I was lying in my bed, reading a book and suddenly I noticed a dark shape moving on my wall. I jumped out of bed and noticed that the dark shape on the wall remained rooted to it's spot. It was long and elongated and wait, did it look like a female? Could it be? Yes, it was. My shadow. Disjointed. A separate being. And before my very eyes, my shadow grew bigger and bigger till it encompassed the entire wall. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled into the wall. I now knew what people meant when they said outer body experience. I closed my eyes for when I thought I was about to crash into my wall, but the next thing I knew I was in Chennai, India in the old house I visited when I went to India for summer vacation. I was seemingly invisible as I drank in my surroundings. I saw my grandmother, my great-grandmother, my mother running around with her sisters, and my shadow. Only my shadow had now conveniently gone and attached itself to my grandfather and in front of my eyes, transformed itself to be his shadow. ( I guess at the time, his original shadow had decided to take a vacation). I was able to remain hidden but yet partake in whatever was happening in the house at the time. Guests were arriving and who was that walking through the door - the Great Sivaji Ganesan? I remember feeling really happy to see Shivaji and I had conversation floating through my head of what my grandfather was actually talking to Shivaji about. They were reminiscing about having acted in the movie 'Thilana Mohanambal' together and where they were in their lives today. Cut to the next scene, and I was transported on to a set for 'Aditha veetu pennu' where my grandfather was the hero. I stood rooted to my spot and saw how people loved being around him and how respected he was. Adoring fans garlanded him, people ran up to him to shake his hand and through it all my grandfather smiled generously and accomodated most people's wishes. The next scene had me attend my mother's own wedding - where I experienced a range of emotions from elation, to wonderment, to sadness (all the emotions thatha was feeling because his youngest daughter was getting married). I stood and stared in awe at the line of celebrities attending my mom's marriage - Sivaji, Manorama, Gemini Ganeshan, Sivakumar...to name a few. My mom was looking absolutely gorgeous and I remember feeling a strong sense of pride. The last scene transported me a few years down the line after I had been born. I was being carried by thatha and walked up and down the street. His dogs stood guard watching his every move and awaiting his return. I was enveloped by the feeling of contentment. And then it was time to leave this journey back in time.
I was back in my room and my cheeks were wet with tears. One of my most important wishes had come true and as odd as it may sound, I had my shadow to thank for it. She had not only transported me back to the good old days, but had let me experience the emotions and life that my grandfather led by showing me moments that encapsulated what I had always thought it must've been like. I felt comforted and even though I missed him madly, a pain had subsided.
Good night.
posted by Vee @ 4:20 PM
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